Somedays are worse than others, today I read that my husband "could be persuaded to share a room" with a female friend of his. Reading this just makes me sick, how did I get here? Last year at this time I was stupidly ignorant of my husbands desire to be unmarried. he hasn't said that but "losing" his ring and this latest revelation makes me wonder why I stay, I know I'll look back on this time later in my life and think why didn't I pay attention to the signs they were all there slapping me in the face. I'm so stupid, I hate myself for being so weak

Tough Days

Well the exciting news of us getting pregnant was just a short blip on the radar screen. When I found out the pregnancy wasn't "viable". I felt like someone had kicked me in the head. Kev and I were so excited we told everyone, stupidly. Jillian was right we should have waited til the first trimester had passed. Now comes the hard part finding out about everything else that caused it, whether it was the fibroid, the cysts or something else altogether.Knowing what I know now it's pretty amazing we got pregnant in the first place. I'm just getting through this by believing that GOD always has a plan for everything.

Went to Bahama Breeze tonight with Kev, Brett, Molly& Amy had a great time. Made me wish I was in the Carribean sitting by the ocean with nothing to do except sit and watch the waves crash in.

Saturday 1, 2004

Last night Kev and I slept with the windows open that always helps me sleep. Have to work today, should be a good day though. Will go walking with Deb tonight gotta push myself to do an hour. hoping to get out tommorow and take some pictures to make my journal more fitting to my life. Pictures that make me happy.

Today was a beautiful day, was warm and sunny all day long. Sometimes as I open the back door at work and the wind rushes in I smell spring and it makes me feel so happy.